BellyBlog

What I wanted to say today before I stopped, via facebook: Sometimes I get very sad at other’s happiness. I don’t know what this means, but there are a lot of times that happiness makes me sad.

What happend to normal girls? I don’t know if i’m normal or just boring.

I need to poo i’m so nervous.. ah cute boys! :DD

I SEE HIM AGAIN AND I HAVE TO START ALL OVER.

I am totally talking to myself right now… this is for no one.. Only my own kind of therapy. This might not even make sense haha not thought out at all..  I have been coming to realization with myself. I am more aware of what I want out of life for myself and with others. When it comes to boys my head is pretty messed up because of past relationships, my mind is shit. By being around boys a lot lately I have realized who I need for me. I have realized that i need certain characteristics that will bring out the best in me.. as I hope to bring the best out in the boy.  The boy tells me that I’m cute.. It’s not really cuteness to me, it’s nervousness.. why am I so nervous.. is it because I’m doing something wrong? Is it because It’s not right? When do you know? Cause I thought I knew before..  Persistence. I meet someone.. we hang out and we get along very well. We hang out again.. it goes well again.. then I act on impulse and we kiss. [bad idea] then I realize “nope, that’s not the right boy” kind of sad.. Oh well I guess. But  then it’s hard to get away.. hahahaha cause by then they are super crushing on me.. I told Jonathan I didn’t want a relationship.. That’s a start. :] I should tell the others. What’s normal? To meet someone, go on dates, then start talking about getting serious, going out.. then you both work on the same goal of being together..??? I don’t think life is normal. Life is full of surprises. I guess I get stuck in “movies” and my mind is still very childish. I don’t want that to change about me though… it’s what I like the most about myself. Hum.. Sometimes I think that it is possible for me to find someone I trust, but I can’t and i tell myself that I don’t want to anyway. I isolate myself very quickly and I am starting to feel really bad about people around me. It’s nice to feel loved :] but at what cost? Lost of Dignity? Lost of Loyalty? Not i. Wo, this makes no sense… I should just stop thinking about things right now hahahaha suuuuuper unorganized thoughts.

so i’ve been getting sick a lot [in different ways] and i think i have a reason for it.. I’m not positive but everything just adds up. I think my body is sad… cause overall i’m sad… not on the outside though just on the inside and because of the sadness and stress i think my body is acting up… hum who knows???

so i’m really really scared right now.. something is happening to me and moving fast.. i’m about to go to the E.R I REALLY hope that it’s nothing serious! Kim I love you, Family I love you, friends i love you i just had to blog this before anything happend..

I ask myself that a lot. Why do i care?… OoooO!! so i was about to right some sad stuff right now but instead i’m going to turn it around in a positive way. I’m going to right another script. A true life script showing how ironic things can be. hummm.. i have to develope the story but at least i know my goal! Yay Kelly! I went on a date last friday :] with my papa! It was really nice.. i love spending time with him. I wont love a man as much as i love my dad. He’s everything a girl could ask for in a father. A man to stick up for you, a man you can trust, a man with a great heart. <3 I’ll always rather spend my youth friday nights with my papa!

Poor baby, A boy doesn’t like you. You walk away. Walking with memories. Taking a peak into the past. Happiness. Love. Future. Keep walking, poor baby.